Ex Syndrome.

I did tell you before that he's coming back right? Yes. He is coming back in my life at the time I am at my lowest point in life right now. I lose all of my motivation to study and be better this semester. I lose myself. I'm battling with the new me now. I hate being like this suddenly. Knowing that he's making his come back this month, I always be insecure. What if I accept him back? what if he did love me but refuse to accept my flaws? what if he's the one? These thoughts really bother me lately. Somehow, I find myself trying so hard to grab his attention. Why would I done something like that? I left him before. I was the one hurting. I was the one being replaced by some girl that is way better that me. Why should I want his attention? What for? I firmly say to everyone that I would never accept him back in my life. But my heart said yes. Give him another chance and grab as much attention so that he realize that I was the girl that he's been looking for. I know, it's dumb. I already throw him out of my life but now I'm trying to pick it up. Again? Gloria, he's the one who doesn't love you and accept you wholeheartedly. Why bother to pick him up again? He's just like useless junk. It will make your life miserable as the old days. I have this eerie feeling whenever I'm with him. I always felt timid when I'm with him. His friends keep mocking me by saying that I'm fat and ugly. Those evil friends of his always tried to separate us. My head really messed up during this semester. I don't want to have any attachment or commitment. I need a break. Everything happened to fast and I couldn't catch up really quick. I'm such a laid back person and hate to rush on everything. I want him but and the same time I don't want him enter my life again. I don't want him being part of my routine where I need to text him every morning or saying good night before sleep. Sigh. How I miss that but no. Wanting him back is wrong Gloria, totally wrong! You are fine without him. Being alone and independent is your goals. I always dream to have my own apartment and cat. Having steady job and my favorite car. Be strong!