My Valentine 2017

Well, some people can be misunderstanding about this so called Valentine day. Then, let's begin. Valentine day is on 14 February. Basically, Valentine day is a day you're going to have date or have some quality time with your loved ones. It doesn't matter if you are celebrating it with family and friends or perhaps with your partner or you didn't have to celebrate it because it is not that important. V day is just an international celebration. So, as you know I'm single and broke just like the FB said it. I burst out laughing when I saw it. I laughed because it is the truth. Okay, so my story begin like this. On 13 Feb, I went to his coffee shop. But the 3 days earlier, I did asked my brother to take me there. I was being curious. I just wanted to see how's he doing and how's the coffee shop look like. The night I know that my brother finally decided to go there with me. But only both of us know about it. He knows how much I adore that guy or let me be more specific the guy is the owner of that coffee shop. The moment I stepped on his cafe, I just saw 2 of his workers which I knew them because they are my church member. After ordering some foods and drinks, we waited about couple of minute then the order came and he suddenly appeared. I was sitting backwards from the door. So I didn't manage to saw him coming in. My heart beating fast and all the butterfly were spreading on my stomach. My eye pupil my getting bigger, I can't stop smiling. I can't show how happy I was when I met him after 1 year. Gosh! I swear he's getting handsome and cute. I really glad that I finally went there. He was being himself that night. He's so friendly, nice and warm. Argh! I started to miss him already. At first, he was avoiding the eye contact. But the second time, he keep staring at me with his sleepy eyes. Gosh. He was so cute. HAHA. okay Gloria. Calm down. The keep making me talk more and more. He did remembers my major at University. He even asked how many years left. I am good at making poker face but inside me was screaming like hell. I'm glad how things turned out last V day even though it's not on 14 February but it's the day before it. I think I got a better Valentine day this year. 2017 might be a good year for me. Amen!

Anxiety, trust issue and God

There's a saying 'People are more scarier than the world'. I just started to believe it today. I always telling myself that the world is terrifying without God but turned out to be people who had their own religion or belief can be horrifying too. It's not like I would like to blame their religion or belief but I'm just saying that because in this big world people had their own god. My anxiety level soaring up and my heart beating like crazy. Hoping that God could save me from bad things. You know what, God did save me from bad things today and HE did gave me something to learn today. It's okay to have trust issue as long as you are safer on that way. I swear, after this I will never dealing things on my own with stranger, ride their car, believe what they are saying or whatever it is. I called this JERA. I just want to blow up. I mean my feelings. How insecure I felt, How lazy I was, How I hate going to classes because I can't be any better while other people is moving forward. I just need to do some healing. I need motivation booster, I need to feel good about myself all the time, I need to be brave to handle things on my own and I need to be stronger for myself. Did you notice that I keep repeating the the word 'I need'? that just because I wanted to be stronger enough. I have to remind myself that the stronger I become, the better I'll be on my own. Sigh~ People indeed are scarier that the world because people made it scarier. World is just a temporary place to live and people like to do bad things. Every second, every minute there's always a crime, people died, newborn and so on. I thank God for HIS love and mercy towards people. Again, I'll say the world is nothing without God. Our Jesus, Our Savior. 

A Letter For That Dear Someone

Dear Someone That I Haven't Seen For 1 Year,

           

              Hi, I just don't want to mention your name here because I know it's kinda appropriate. I just want to say hi and asking how's your 2016. I knew you had a busy day ahead because you just opened a cafe last year. I'm sorry that I couldn't come to your cafe yet because I think I didn't want to embarrassed myself. I bet you didn't even remember me. Well, it's okay because we didn't see each other that often. The other day, on our way back to home, I saw a moon and a star. Their distance was not that far but they never be together because it is impossible. Just like me and you. you're the moon while I'm the star. No matter how close we were, still we never bumped into each other.. How I wish these feelings can go away too. I misses you so much and I only met you in my dreams. Last time, I dreamed about how close we were and I just wanted to hug you and tell you how much I missed you. Slowly, I realized that was just an imagination. That situation maybe the way I wanted us to be like but that warmth feeling that you gave me doesn't seem a fake sign. Frankly, I never felt that way whenever I met someone. The reason I keep holding on is I believe that someday we could make it, I told Him about you. I told Him that I wanted you. Just you and no one else. He keep asking me to wait patiently. At first I thought I could do it but year by year, I getting impatient. I keep bottled up feelings. Sometimes, I even asked Him. Why is it too hard? Why is it took too long?He told me that good things come slow and it's a worth to wait. As a person, ordinary person, it really sounds ridiculous if a relationship can be done without any communication. But, we know that in Him, there's nothing impossible. I apologize if this letter is too long. I'm hoping you are doing great this new year 2017. I really looking forward to meet you someday. Take care love! I'll always wait for you no matter how long it takes. xoxo

Sincerely, 

A Girl that misses you so much.

Last day of 2016

Still can't believe that 2016 is about to leave us. Time surely flies so fast. Honestly, during 2016 was the rock bottom year for me. Everything just doesn't seem went right. There's so many ups & downs. My faith been tested. My life feels like threatened. I almost gave up at the darkest time but thankfully God is there with me along the process. HE provide all thing. I'm not being religious or what but HE did exist and only us need to find HIM. This 2016 has thought me that not all thing will go smoothly just because we wanted it that way but there'll be so many bumpy road which can make us tired during the journey. But, make sure bring God along on that journey. Believe me, HE'll make the road so meaningful and you'll surely learn something by it. It's not like I want to brag about it but I'm just glad that I've made it. I mean my first ever performance yesterday which was 30 December. Well, my mother is very excited and too happy about it. She's the one who always wanted me to be like her. Speaking of my mother, I really misses my family. Even though, I stayed at home for a long period of time but still home is a place will make us comfortable and being accepted. Society nowadays is too demanding. How can someone be physically attractive, skinny, rich and famous at the same? Also love to eat a lot of junk food and skinny af. So weird. Anyway, my age is adding 1 more year. it will be 23 years old. Frankly, I'm definitely not so ready for it. I feel like I'm getting old, still studying, not working yet, no savings and zero love life. Sometimes, I asked myself whether I'm gonna be a successful person in the future or for the next 5 or 10 years. Or can I help my mother to pay bills? or own a house, car and so on? Being an adult by force is not a fun thing to do. when I was at my childhood years, I wanted to grow up so badly but now how I wish I can be small again and enjoying every single moment with my family especially my late dad, my late grandparents and my childhood friends. In reality, we just can run away from all of our problem. As an young adult, I need to confront all my fear and go for it even if it will cost you mentally of physically because every adult has been through it and yet they still survive. Inside me, I feel like I'm still a 5 year old girl who afraid of a lot of things, picky on my food, misses my family so much and still can't make my own decision. I really doesn't expect much for 2017 but I'm just hoping that I will be a good student, can maintain my faith, fellowships, friendship, family bonding, and more. I can only hope for the best. To expect something great happen, I just continue pray to God. HE's the best planner. For me, it is a must to pray during new year night. Because in that way, God will be the first to know my desire for whole 2017. Above all, so long 2016. Hello 2017, hello new year and new journey. God will be upon us this new year. Amen.

Last Christmas I Gave You My Heart.

December, month of holiday, Christmas, rainy days and examinations month too. It's hard to celebrate Christmas each year since I went to University. As if 25 December is the only day of Christmas in this world. Some people might not understand what Christmas is all about. I was that person back then. I always thought that Christmas is a seasonal holiday. It is fixed every year. All of my family will come and celebrate it together. Sadly, the main reason of Christmas is already forgotten and get blurred by those decorations, Santa Claus and snow. I was so thankful for my Sunday's school teacher and all the carolers who always told me the importance of Christmas day.  Jesus is the main reason why we should celebrating Christmas. To remember about HIS birthday. Not hoping for Santa Claus or a gift from someone else but the day of our Savior has been born because salvation is upon HIM. Of course this year I'll be celebrating here at KL. With my fellow family in Christ whom I known for almost 3 years. I'm so thankful that I can be part on that church, to serve HIM is more that enough for me. Every Christmas, I will surely misses my dear family so much. My mother's dishes and the family. But, I secretly misses someone during Christmas. No one knows, not even my sister nor my mother. I can't remember around which year I met him for the first time. I just remember that I was so young and so was him. Awkwardly smile, and I shake his hand and said nice to meet you. His mother introduced us two. I wasn't so interested in him back then. I don't know why but surely he's cute and petite on that time. He was not always around because his school was away far from his home&only met during Chinese New Year, Harvest festival and Christmas. I don't know when I started to like him because I was so busy with schools, friends, family and also other distracted things. I even got first boyfriend on 2009. Frankly, I barely knew him. I mean him not the ex. Above all, I just feel like he's the last person that I really like or I can share my heart with. Being in 20 something, relationship will be more serious. My past relationship is just a puppy love because I was young and dumb back then. So whatever! I swear, I never felt this way before. His warm hand touches my heart. I just can die now! His smile, his eyes, his voice, the way he speaks. Argh! All thing seems so interesting! & I can't help falling in love with him. But, inside my tiny heart, I know that he will never be mine. He's too perfect. He barely know me. He can't even maybe remember my face or name. But, it's okay, I'll will continue secretly missing him during Christmas. 

Hardships make us stronger!

These days makes me wonder why I always facing the same problem in the same situation. Sometimes, when I pray and ask God about it somehow there's no answer. But, I never wanted to give up on everything. Though, I told my mom it's okay for me to drop out the university but I'm surely God will provide something for our family.  The major problem is always been money. For some point, I hate myself because I always had to think about money rather than my studies. Slowly, I realized that no matter how hard is our life there's always a person that having much worst day or problem than me. Day by day, I always remind myself that thanking God for everything that has happened. Worship HIM during whatever it is situation that I'm facing. I know it is easy to say but hard to do it. Yet, I'll take it as my challenge as a person that wanted to grow continuously in faith

2016

So, basically I always spend my New Year moment at KL. Without doing something interesting and obviously I'm at my room also trying to study for my exam. I was wondering why I always having exam during that time. Anyway, it's already 2016 and I still got no goals to achieve for this year. I literally didn't think any of it. Maybe it's because I'm turning 22 this year. Argh! Getting older year by year. My perception towards thing also keep changing. Living far away from home is not that great but I can experience thing by myself or should I called it being independent. As years passed by, I never forget those people who used to be part of my life. Especially, my dad. He will always be my number one man in my life. I was wondering if he's watching me all the time. I bet, he's kinda disappointed cause I'm not a good student. Well, I'm going to start over for this upcoming semester. I mean, I'll be better and be a hardworking student. Gosh! Can u believe it? I will be 3rd year student in this coming September. How fast is that? I feel like I just reached KL and start studying Spanish. Speaking of being 3rd year student, I actually not that ready to do a thesis. I know it's hard especially for my major, foreign language. Finally, I can discover my goals for this year. I need to be a good student, getting better grades, read bible everyday and give more affection to myself.