2016

So, basically I always spend my New Year moment at KL. Without doing something interesting and obviously I'm at my room also trying to study for my exam. I was wondering why I always having exam during that time. Anyway, it's already 2016 and I still got no goals to achieve for this year. I literally didn't think any of it. Maybe it's because I'm turning 22 this year. Argh! Getting older year by year. My perception towards thing also keep changing. Living far away from home is not that great but I can experience thing by myself or should I called it being independent. As years passed by, I never forget those people who used to be part of my life. Especially, my dad. He will always be my number one man in my life. I was wondering if he's watching me all the time. I bet, he's kinda disappointed cause I'm not a good student. Well, I'm going to start over for this upcoming semester. I mean, I'll be better and be a hardworking student. Gosh! Can u believe it? I will be 3rd year student in this coming September. How fast is that? I feel like I just reached KL and start studying Spanish. Speaking of being 3rd year student, I actually not that ready to do a thesis. I know it's hard especially for my major, foreign language. Finally, I can discover my goals for this year. I need to be a good student, getting better grades, read bible everyday and give more affection to myself.

Mentally breakdown.

I thought after sending the letter, everything will be alright. But turned out to be, I can't do nothing about it. No matter how hard I'd pray about it still nothing that I can do.This semester is the worst ever and felt disappointed about myself. I never be this worst and I never such thing like escaping class, end up meeting my head department and being scolded by my lecturer. Somehow, from this moment it really thought me how to grow mature. Second year it's just a beginning to feel all the stress. Now, I understand what it's like when you are mentally breakdown and some people might end up suicide. But, for me suicide is not a proper way or it's never a way for people to think when they are having problem. Frankly, I never want to be like this. Maybe, I'm just too far from my home. I'm an independent kid since when I can remember but being away from my family it's just a bit hard. Some people might think that to further study and being away from your family is a great opportunity to be freedom and trying to live independently with stranger. For me, it's not that great. I hate being adult where all thing you need to think and you'll need to be independent. Perhaps, I'm just too young to be a person who's facing the problem alone or I'm just being hypocrite and keep running away from my problems. Wish me the best of luck. Hopefully this will end sooner than I thought.

In the middle of despair

I believe that I am a normal girl that having lot of problem to deal with, having a crush to a lot of boy and still studying. The first time I know love was with my ex. He's a great lover but I'm just a girl that having a lot of weakness. We ended it up 2 years ago before I enter university. After that, I just never be in any relationship. I'd tried couple of time to get into a relationship but I always been rejected. Somehow, it makes me so sad, I'm just being honest though. How I wish I don't have desire  for having a relationship but it is normal to have that desire. Last month, I sent one short private message to this guy. I only wrote " Hi, how are you?".  I actually don't have any intention but he just remove me from his facebook account. I was a bit shocked. I can sum that up as he is freaking hate me. He reject me harshly. Btw, thank you for your feedback. I really appreciate it. I hate to admit that he was my first love. I declare him as a stranger now. It was so unexpected. Life is more that you ever imagine. Sometimes, it is beyond anything but with God our life is more meaningful. Maybe, I am going to be alone for the rest of my life without a life partner. I know it is not necessary to have someone by your side but I really wanted to have it. Life can be so unfair and empty. I hate living on this world. It's full of demanding people. I guess I need to focus on myself. So, today I'm decided to not searching my soulmate. The end

Help me.. I'm drowing

It's been a month I'm becoming a second year student here. My habits is getting worst. I always skip the class and give an excuse that I'm sick. I do't know why I keep doing this thing. Am I giving up my studies? Or I'm losing a motivation to study? The truth is, I'm losing my motivation to study here.When you are always far from your family, you are always on your own and money always be the main stress for me. I wish I can get a motivation from someone and I don't care who he or she is. As long as they can motivate me everyday. Study is not an easy task for me. I really turned to a lazy pig this semester. I can't even woke up on 8 o'clock classes. I always skip and skip and skip. I keep running from the reality and I did realize it was bad for me. Honestly, I don't know what to do. I was hoping that I will redeem all the class that I skipped. October is a new month and I promise that I will make up on it. Going to class everyday and never skip class again. It's a bad thing and it will only harm my reputation as a student. Back on track Gloria! You can do it! Yes you can!

Please?

I'm a girl who dislike to drink milk but now end up drinking milk for almost every night, I used to be a girl who so picky when she wants to eat but now she can barely eats all kinds of food. The more I grew up, the more I understand the whole thing. I'm now officially 21 years old and I found out that life is so hard. I used to want time go as fast as it can be but now how I wish I can turned back time and meet the ones that I loved, my father and my grandparents. I think I already met a lot of people. Some of them stay, some of them go and there's also some of them remain stranger. In life, I also learned that by forgetting people is the hardest thing. Especially a person who used to be with you, mean a world to you and more. There's one person that I liked the most. We were never be together because he's not into me. Last night was a miracle. All of the sudden, I dream about him. Before hand, I've already decided to forget about him and move on. I even already like a guy from the same university as me. I thought all will be okay but the way of his expression on that dream makes me having a hard time to move on. Please go away. I don't have the ability to be at the same situation in every year.

Encouragement.

So, today is the first time I ever send him a private message on Facebook. I actually don't want to do it but somehow my sister encourage me to go for it. Frankly, I don't know why really into it. I mean I have a lot of encouragement to send him a private message. I used to be afraid and full of hesitation. Well, I guess life is full of surprises and you only live once. So, just grab any chance that you have. Sometimes, I can be a spontaneous person but not in education. In this 21st century, human is searching for their way to express their self by doing something nice, bad or stupid then record it whether it is a video or audio or a picture. They only need one person to make it viral. By doing that, it somehow change the world view, also by adding it on law or anything that will surprise you. People nowadays seems like hunger for fame. Thank God I'm not one of them. Back on track, I'm secretly hoping that he will reply my private message.

Second year. Year of senior.

So, I've been a senior for a week now. I only attended 1 day class because lack of rest. This upcoming weeks, I need to attend as often as I can. This semester quite challenging for me. Frankly, I hate coming on 8 o'clock classes. But, everyday is the same for me. Every classes start on 8 o'clock. Well, it's gonna be okay I guess. As long as I can get a better marks. My aim for this semester is freakin' high just because I want the scholarship. Anyway, All of the sudden, he came to me and bravely started a conversation. If only I can cast away my excitement. I was too happy until I can't describe it. Oh gosh! he's finally talking to me!! but that only makes me more and more missing him. I guess I only SS. Pity kan? Somehow, I started to be more selfish. I always wanted him to be mine. All I can say is that's only a day dream. How I wish that I'll never met him again. This feeling is a burden for me. Loving someone who has different background and religion too. It's so hard. I want my mummy  :(