What exactly that I wanted?

Lately, I felt like I wanted to quit study and go back to my hometown. I've been losing motivation to study. I like living here but not to study. I chose to have fun instead of studying like everyone else does. I feel like I don't belong here with this large community. As I struggled to force myself to go to class, I felt like I'm such an ungrateful person. So many people would like to replace my place here at University. God had gave me this opportunity to discover the world of language and linguistic but I didn't appreciate it. As if that is not my passion at all. Seems like I didn't recognize myself anymore. It's sad to feel that kind of way. I feel lost and keep wondering around the circle. I noticed myself didn't have any interest in study but I'm having a dilemma. I have set my life goals since I was in secondary school. I wanted to have at least degree in a good university, I wanted to make my family proud, Yet, now is going vise versa. I'm getting tired physically and mentally tired. My mind won't stop thinking about it. My doubt is growing each day of my life. I didn't pray often, I rarely read bible, I like to have my own life instead of let God manage my own life. I really didn't know what is the better idea. But deep down I still wanted to graduate this degree. I want to achieve it as my personal proud and pleasure. I wanted to be somebody in this large community. I wanted to have good job and most importantly I wanted to repay my mother that has been a great helper along this journey. But, the will to do it is there and I really needed someone to help me through it. I'm thankful enough that God always been on my side but at least there's a person that will cheer me up when I'm about to give up. I think I'm at my critical moment now. This solo journey has been though and nobody will always be there for you. I choose to be alone and refuse to face the reality. I tend to run from it. I'm just not prepared or strong enough. It may sounds like an excuse but that is how I feel. Be a student near of far from home still sucks. We are trying to balance all things in one such as financially, study, health, food mostly and many more. I'm used to live with my family. I know how is like to be an independent but this is too hard. Being an adult these days so hard. I'm not sure quit is the only way. I'm fucking messed up this semester. I wish I leap time and done it well from the beginning. What can I do to fix this? I mean this week is week 8 and I've been ditching all classes each week. The lecturer didn't even know my existence and I'm pretty sure they will get angry. I know I deserve to be scolded but still if only I can avoid all that and graduate safely and faster. Man, I really hate going to class now. It's like a burden to me. Be around with people and speak up about your opinion but inside I just hate being there because those people are stranger. I can't mixed up well with them. I felt like I'm the stupidest there. The slowest dumbest student ever. I'm having classes with the junior. There's so many things I need to catch up. I need space to breathe but instead I've been rushing all things and I know can't do it all that. I'm such a stupid and hopeless. Gosh, I'm so down. I wanted to bury myself so that people can't found me. God, what should I do then? I feel like I'm slowly giving up. SOS. I need help!