Love this song!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1UQzJfsT2eo&spfreload=10

Strong girl but cries a lot. Strong girl who had a good friend.

Personally, I had these idea to write during me and my roommate shared about something just now. She is a strong girl I ever known for years. She had 6 sibling including her. She had 2 brothers and 3 sisters. She was the second and she is the big sister for her sisters and brother. She lost her mother about 6 years ago. Her mother suffered a weird illness since teenage years. Her mother had a twin sister and also had the same illness. I can't shared detail because I respect her privacy. Okay, so moving on to my roommate. She's studying Anthropology. Anthropology is basically study about humans, such as culture, behavior and many more. First of all, I would like to apologize because I didn't know much about her field of study. I study language and linguistics. Completely different but still can relate a bit I guess. I can't tell you her name. Again, she didn't know that I write about her. Sorry girl! :p she always been lovely, noisy and fun. She acted strong even if she had a family problem. I knew she wanted to cry a lot whenever she shared about it. I saw her teary eyes and her body language tried so hard to avoid that teary eyes to fall. There's one time when we went to a fellowship at one place. The person asked us to draw a person's face that had been giving you a great impact in life. Happily, she drew my face. I also drew her face but ugly version of her because I can't draw well. Drawing sucks! HAHA! I'm the first person to share and I told them how we actually met and everything. Then, couple of people continuing the same thing. Until finally it's her turn. She spoke shyly and suddenly she burst into tears. Her face gone red as the beet and her eyes is wet. She tries so hard to make it stop and covers it with the small drawing paper. Yes, she cries and laugh at the same time. She so weird but I love her anyway :) she was so grateful to have me as her friend. I'm tremendously touched as if I wanted to join her crying party but I can't. Because my crush is there and keep watching like I'm a criminal. Sigh. I never had such friendship before. Best friend term used to be common in my dictionary but now I feel like I only had fewer friends and it's only temporary. I can classify her as my best friend even though we only met 2 years ago and we still counting :) She's the only person who really appreciate me as her friend and so do I. I really bad at public speaking but writing is like my weapon. I can kill you with my writing. HEHE. ( It's a joke, chill!) I'm an introvert person but so many things in mind.  I choose to write instead of speak. I choose to appreciate people who appreciate me too. The girl is strong but she cries a lot during the night. Some strong girl would hide themselves inside their favorite blanket and pour it out. Pour out the sadness, sorrow and heartbreak which they had been bottled up inside their heart and mind for a long time. Sometimes, she forgot how to fight but her friend will help her to fight her demons. A good friend which hard to find. A good friend which had the same value as an expensive and rare gem inside the mine. A good friend which is enough to make her day happy. A good friend which having the same situation as hers. A good friend which once went through heartbreak and heal by time and the love of God. A good friend which she can count on. A good friend she can lean on and can lend her shoulder for her to cry. A good friend which can keep her secret and never spill it out. A good friend which can provide a good advice and help. A good friend which pray for her.  A good friend which her only friend that she can called best friend and I called her soulmate :)

8. What decade do you feel you most belong in?

I really into this question and can't wait to share it with you. What decade do I feel I most belong in? I would say 80's or 90's. Frankly, I don't know why but millennials somehow didn't suit me or I find it hard to fit it. All things seems went faster than ever. The music is great but the lyric is meaningless     (or should I say trashy). For those people that really know about me, they would know that I would choose old song instead of these days songs. I really love it and I always wanted to buy a record player or turntable for my own and listen to Bee Gees, The Beatles, Diana Ross, Celine Dion, Lionel Richie or Richard Marx. While blogging and coffee-ing, I would probably sing a long. Damn. What a dream! HAHA! Well, about 80's or 90's fashion, I'm impressed how people can wear it everyday. I mean look at those dresses, pants, socks or shoes or perhaps hairdo and also makeup. A lot of effort! But these days, eyebrows and lips are so important. Everyone wanted a pair of perfect eyebrows, eyelashes or make their lips plump. So that they can look good in make up or they can finally look alike from the picture that media has been posted lately. We are tend to make things complicated and made media our role model or our source of knowledge or maybe media is the god now. People would rather trust the media. Please, media is only about people's opinion. Yes, we do need other people's opinion but not in every single thing. All human kind had their own knowledge level or personal view. It depends on how their environment, mind set, education level, nationality, age or religion. People nowadays keep posting about how good the weed are or 520 or whatever but it's only good for the people who needed it for medication purpose only. They said it's okay to be a stoner because it is part of the trend but other people doesn't think the same way as you does. Okay, I think it is a wrap.

7. If you had one day left to live, what would you do first?

Honestly, this kind of question makes me think too much. Again, the use of word 'one' makes me greedy. I mean, as I live till today, there's nothing special to be done each day. Unless if there's any special occasion to be celebrate such as holidays, birthdays and more. I did experience almost dead situation once so I think I might can imagine what is like to have one day to live. I did write any a before dead wishlist or bucket list. Don't ask me why because I really and never thought about it. Well, perhaps I can pretend to have one then. Okay, first thing that I'll do is eat all the expensive food. Second, confess to my recent crush. Yup, I know it's lame but I really wanted to do it but since maybe I'm going to die then I should confess and make him come to my funeral. HAHA. Third, wear a dress or a cloth that I never tried before. Fourth, singing with a band in front of the unknown crowd and sing old song only. Fifth, get a small tattoo. Sixth, burn all of my books because I hate when people will only put it inside the box and throw it away. Seventh, color my hair into pastel pink. I swear I'm obsessed with that color. Eighth, kill my ex. ( HAHA. relax, it was a joke!) I just wanted to slap him in the face because he was a jerk during our relationship and make him cry during my funeral. (evil laugh). Ninth, take a good picture with family and I will hug each one of them and also I will tell them how much I love them. Tenth, tell my closest friends that I love them and appreciate each of them. That's all!

6. If You Could Change One Thing About Yourself What Would It Be?

One thing? I don't think one thing is enough to satisfy myself or can make myself better. Okay, I'll try to cut down all of it and make it to one thing. But honestly, there's one thing in my mind that always bother me before I sleep. FYI, I'm that one person who always think about silly things before I go to bed and sometimes get insomnia because I think too much (hello! an overthinker here). This is way too personal to share but I think it's okay since I get better now. I wish I can be healthy like anyone else so that I can erase all the bad memories that I had. I hate being hospitalized. I hate that I need to eat medicine everyday, I hate that I feel tired all the time. My heart palpitation went crazy because it was the effect from the medicine that I took. I hate that I can play basketball like the old days. I was an athlete back then during my primary school. I used to be on a team where our couch was proud to have me as their shooter since I was tallest among my teammate. But the truth is, I'm only 158 cm. (harsh truth) Okay, I get it. I really miss the good old days. I went to training every weekend. I learn to take bus and be brave to accept the challenge where we were having basketball tournament. It was really fun, having new friends and went to other school and observed the way they played and their strategy. Sadly, we lost during the semi final but it was a wonderful experience for me and my teammate. Do sports did teach me to be more discipline and love myself even more.

5. Who Do You Think Has Had The Largest Influence On The Person You Are Today?

Who do you think? Well, for me the person is my mother. The closest person in my life and she's the most toughest person I've ever met. The thing is my father passed away way too soon and my older brother still in primary school during that time. Okay, let's focus on the main character here which is my mother. She's the most independent women. She always told us about how and where she was growing up. She came from a small village that called Kamansi, Sabah. She used to row on a boat and sold banana or any other fruits that can be eaten because that's the way she can earned money to buy food at the school canteen. She also told us that the food used to be so cheap. The fried noodle inside the plastic was only RM 0.05. She did told us that she lived far from m grandparents because the school way to far from their house so she moved in to her elder brother's place. Funny thing is, her sister-in-law used to hate her and make her to do the house chores. But now, they seem get along. Thank God. HAHA. There's one story that my mother told me about her sister-in-law that totally change my perspective or the way I looked or treated my aunt. My mother really remembers all the thing during her growing up journey. She told me that her sister-in-law was evil and refused to give her pocket money to school. My uncle was way more older than my mother. He got married at the very young age but during that time, he managed to find a job. He's a teacher. Furthermore, she went to school by walking for miles and hours. I'm so amazed how people really appreciate the good things that they had and they are willing to sacrifice just to gain knowledge. Not like nowadays, people like me doesn't know how to appreciate the accommodation that has been well prepared. My mother used to say that all of the circumstance that she had during growing up was actually molding her to be the person that she'd become today. She's stronger that any person in this world yet she had a soft heart but not fragile. I still can heard her voice in my head. This words keep repeating inside my mind. She said ' Gayle (my nickname), never trust men 100%, we are women and we are strong. Make sure you get a good job. Most importantly, be independent. Because someday when your husband is leaving you, you still have a job and enough money to support yourself. Be wise. Knowledge is important. But God is our priority. HE's our everything.

4. Where Is Your Favorite Place To Escape To?

Frankly, I don't have any particular to escape because as you know I'm a student which love to spend money on food not travel. Roughly, I would say here at Kuala Lumpur is my favorite place to escape. Since home is quite far from my university, dormitory is my second home. I would called it a perfect place to escape from all that. Here, I'm supposed to attend all classes and enjoying my student life. Back at home, my mother always rely on me since dad's gone. She felt like I'm the only child that she can trust and depend on. In front of her, I didn't allowed to be weak even if the truth is I am. She trained me to be more independent and reliable since I was a little girl. I have a great relationship with my mother. We're pretty much shared everything including clothes. I'm a great listener and do whatever she wanted me to do. But, like I said I wasn't allowed to look weak in front of her, I end up lying to her that everything back in University was great. Thank god I still have a sister that I can depend on.

What exactly that I wanted?

Lately, I felt like I wanted to quit study and go back to my hometown. I've been losing motivation to study. I like living here but not to study. I chose to have fun instead of studying like everyone else does. I feel like I don't belong here with this large community. As I struggled to force myself to go to class, I felt like I'm such an ungrateful person. So many people would like to replace my place here at University. God had gave me this opportunity to discover the world of language and linguistic but I didn't appreciate it. As if that is not my passion at all. Seems like I didn't recognize myself anymore. It's sad to feel that kind of way. I feel lost and keep wondering around the circle. I noticed myself didn't have any interest in study but I'm having a dilemma. I have set my life goals since I was in secondary school. I wanted to have at least degree in a good university, I wanted to make my family proud, Yet, now is going vise versa. I'm getting tired physically and mentally tired. My mind won't stop thinking about it. My doubt is growing each day of my life. I didn't pray often, I rarely read bible, I like to have my own life instead of let God manage my own life. I really didn't know what is the better idea. But deep down I still wanted to graduate this degree. I want to achieve it as my personal proud and pleasure. I wanted to be somebody in this large community. I wanted to have good job and most importantly I wanted to repay my mother that has been a great helper along this journey. But, the will to do it is there and I really needed someone to help me through it. I'm thankful enough that God always been on my side but at least there's a person that will cheer me up when I'm about to give up. I think I'm at my critical moment now. This solo journey has been though and nobody will always be there for you. I choose to be alone and refuse to face the reality. I tend to run from it. I'm just not prepared or strong enough. It may sounds like an excuse but that is how I feel. Be a student near of far from home still sucks. We are trying to balance all things in one such as financially, study, health, food mostly and many more. I'm used to live with my family. I know how is like to be an independent but this is too hard. Being an adult these days so hard. I'm not sure quit is the only way. I'm fucking messed up this semester. I wish I leap time and done it well from the beginning. What can I do to fix this? I mean this week is week 8 and I've been ditching all classes each week. The lecturer didn't even know my existence and I'm pretty sure they will get angry. I know I deserve to be scolded but still if only I can avoid all that and graduate safely and faster. Man, I really hate going to class now. It's like a burden to me. Be around with people and speak up about your opinion but inside I just hate being there because those people are stranger. I can't mixed up well with them. I felt like I'm the stupidest there. The slowest dumbest student ever. I'm having classes with the junior. There's so many things I need to catch up. I need space to breathe but instead I've been rushing all things and I know can't do it all that. I'm such a stupid and hopeless. Gosh, I'm so down. I wanted to bury myself so that people can't found me. God, what should I do then? I feel like I'm slowly giving up. SOS. I need help!

Unplanned trip~

So, me and my roommate did plan to go to Malacca but only for a day. It was on 3rd of April 2017. We felt so bored because we are now still having our mid semester break. Frankly, we really wanna do something YOLO. Then, suddenly we decided to go to Malacca only for a day. We woke up early during the day. We heading to KTM Midvalley and went to Bandar Tasik Selatan because it is near to Terminal Bersepadu Selatan. We took bus to Malacca. The price for the ticket was RM 10.00. Actually it is depends on which bus and what time you like to depart. Since we only planned for a day trip, we bought a 10.15 am ticket. We choose Metrobus because it was cheaper and faster. We spent about 2 and half hour on the road from Kuala Lumpur to Malacca central. As we arrived there, we were so excited and at the same time felt sleepy. We ate at the Indian restaurant since the price is affordable and delicious. After that, we decided to use Grabcar to go to Christ Church Malacca. It cost RM 8 and we arrived safe and sound. We managed to take picture and enjoy the surrounding since there was a busker and the weather was surprisingly hot. We did thirst our quench by having cendol mix. It only cost about RM 2.50. That cendol stall is near that church area. So we just cross the road and sat there waiting for our cendol to be done. After that, we went near to Hard Rock cafe. There's a lovely art painting on the wall and we took couple picture then end up sitting nowhere because walking during that kind of weather can easily make us tired. Without any hesitance, we decided to stay at a guest house. That place is cheap and really suitable for backpackers to stay. It was cozy and convenient for us because we haven't been to A Famosa. The worker also friendly and I honestly didn't expect from it to be that cozy. We stayed at room number 1006. It was upstairs and got shared bathroom. We also got free breakfast on the morning. We managed to check out from the guest house early because we wanted to go to A Famosa. After that, we went to Malacca central around 12 noon. We bought lunch and ticket to Kuala Lumpur. That unplanned trip surely will be remembered forever.