Last day of 2014 :)

So, today is the last day of 2014. For me, 2014 is a magical year. It's been an awesome year, I thank God because I still alive and be able to praise HIM everyday. In my life, I really suck at love life and surprisingly became better than I thought. I got an offer to enter UM for Languages and linguistics course. Frankly, with my result I can't never entered any of the public university. Now, I believe how with God nothing is impossible. Such a blessing that I can continued my study here at UM. For my love life, I've been single since October 2013. After that, my life completely change because I thought I made a wrong decision to leave him. It was hard at the first place but day by day I did learnt to face it. 4 years relationship with that guy such a good experience I got. Too much circumstances in our relationship especially distance. Well, let's close that topic. HAHA! Now, I' m suffering because I always have crush on guy that is not supposed to be my crush. (you know what I mean) I wish I don't have such feeling. Every night, I can't get a good sleep because I always think about someone that doesn't even think or notice me at all. HAHA! sounds creepy and desperate. Other than that, I also felt that I've become a bit matured in terms of independent. I love living alone actually but still I miss my family so much. Can't wait to meet them and cook for them. I miss Sandakan so much! I miss the food also I miss my mom's dishes. How I wish I can study a bit near to my hometown. I got some new year wishlist and I'm going to share it! NEW YEAR 2015 WISHLIST 1) BEING CLOSER TO GOD 2) STAY HEALTHY 3) HOPEFULLY I CAN GET A GOOD GRADES 4) TO REDUCE MY WEIGHT 5) GAIN MORE CONFIDENT 6) CAN MANAGE MY FINANCIAL WHILE STUDY 7) SHARE MORE GOSPEL 8) NEVER SKIP CLASS (OH GOSH!) 9) I WANT TO KEEP MY HAIR LONG,NO MORE SHORT HAIR! 10) AVOID WATCH TOO MUCH MOVIES! 11) CAN SPEAK SPANISH FLUENTLY 12) GET A BOYFRIEND ( MAYBE?) 13) LAST BUT NOT LEAST, JOINING THE CHURCH MINISTRY HERE AT ST. PAUL PJ

Christmas~Exam~Back Home

Well, it's been a while I didn't post or write anything because I'm too busy during the whole lecture week. But, now it's study week and I got 1 week of holiday. My heart aching because I'm away from my family for Christmas. I'm just so far from them plus the flight ticket is very expensive. So, I choose to back home on January 2015. This is the first time I celebrate Christmas without my family. I still can't focus to the exam because it's Christmas and usually I didn't do anything except go to church and helping my mother at the kitchen. This year 2014 is a very miracle year and independent year for me and hopefully 2015 will be better than 2014. After I finish my exam, got extra 2 days for me to pack my things into the box. I just bring a little thing for going back to Sabah and the others I need to pack and put it into the box because I need to follow the protocol of this hostel. Honestly, I can't believe that I already finish 1 semester and it's so fast. I don't even realize it. So, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year 2015 for all the blogger. I wish I can meet someone special during this lovely season. God bless y'all!

It's hard to love someone secretly

For almost 9 years, I always think about him. I feel guilty to my ex boyfriend because I love him but I keep thinking for someone else. For me, he's not just someone, he's a part of my life. He have a special place in my heart. I know this is so wrong. It's just I couldn't take it anymore, so now I let it all out. I wish I can tell him how I felt about him or maybe it is not important at all. All i can is just bury all the feelings and move on. I wish I could.

9 years and forever

I can't forget about him. Almost 9 years and on that long duration I still can't get rid of my feelings towards him. When I was busy fall in love with somebody, he always be in my heart. It seems like he's permanent in my heart,soul and mind. But, lately I felt so sad because his girlfriend left him and he was suffering now. On that time I always pray for him that God will make him happy again. Sometimes I was wondering am I that ugly or not really suitable for him? Or maybe God not allowed me to have him but it's really painful to be on that way. No matter how far I go or he go, I will always remember him. The thing is he just too much love her ex girlfriend. Well, there's no chance for me. I'm not suitable for him because he just too perfect for me. I always waiting for a chance to come of stop by but seems like it was out of God's plan maybe so I know it will never happen. Hmm.

It's not easy to be me

It's about 3 weeks and a half I've been living in this new place that called Kuala Lumpur. During that time I was struggle so many things such as muscle pain, sick, hard to remember the notes that has been given to me and so on. This only happens during this 3 weeks and half. I'm sure that during my 3 years and half here,there will be so much struggle and obstacles that I will be facing. Thinking of that, sometimes I'm quite afraid. When it comes to lean on God and trust HIM, there are seems no worry at all. Even though I'm sick or else, there will be something or someone will come and take care or things that can help me to face it. So far, my university life wasn't that bad. Living in this hostel was my first time. I mean before this I never experience living in a hostel because the school that I went was so close to my home sweet home. Speaking of home, I really miss it so much. Not only the home but its content too. I mean my family. hehe. The person I missed the most is my mother. Mommy, I really miss you. Since I was her little girl, I was the closest person to my mother. I always accompany her to go anywhere such as going to church, shopping and more. When it comes to plan something for our family, me and my mother always had a same opinion. Sometimes I think that I'm so desperately finding a "boyfriend" in this university. I hate it because I will always meet a wrong person rather than the right person. But girl, life isn't about love. The reason I came here was I want to study and graduate. Like my geography teacher said: kejar cita-cita dahulu dan cinta akan muncul dengan sendiri. I always keep this quotes in my mind. Also, when you stop finding and it will come by it's own. This is only an alternative and I still believe that God's plan simply the best among the best.

An adult life.

I've been about a week at the capital city of Malaysia, Kuala Lumpur. The reason why I'm being here is because I got an offer to persuade my study here at University of Malaya. I'm taking language & linguistics ( Spanish ). Actually, this was my first choice on UPU and I was so trilled by knowing that I did pass the interview and manage to enter the most prestigious university in Malaysia. My first impression when I saw the UPU result, I almost forgot where I am. Of course with happy tears and excited. Well, there's so many things that need to be done for example having my medical check up, changing my identification card, opening a new account bank and more. Entering University of Malaya was actually not my aim. I was aiming to enter the other university that near to my hometown Sandakan. I was hoping that I will entering University Malaysia Sabah (UMS) or University Technology Mara (UITM) because it was situated on Kota Kinabalu, Sabah. But, whatever it is I'm so thankful because God gave me this opportunity to study here and makes my mama proud. She almost telling the whole world that I am entering University of Malaya. I'm gonna continue makes my mama proud of me because I was the less active daughter she ever had and having health problems that always be her burden. With God nothing is impossible! Praise the Lord.

My Journey

Praise the Lord for HIS love and blessings had give me this opportunity to study at University Malaya. HIS plan was so beautiful and out of my own plans. My course is language and linguistic (Spanish). Only Lord knows how much I love to study languages with a different country and of course I never forget to learn my own language. I'm hoping that I can finish my studies successfully. I'm just following HIS plan. This 1st September, I'm officially a degree student on University Malaya. Thank You, God.

Being in love?

I really uncomfortable with this issue because I am not lucky on this love thing. Honestly, I used to be someone who hard to fall in love with somebody and until one day I fell in love with a guy that name F. I hate to share about it because it's kinda lame. In the age on 12 till 19 years old, I've already treasure my love story. It's kinda fun and I fell free when I fell in love on 12 till 19 years old. But now I'm already 20 years old. I'm so picky and feel so stress if I want to fall in love because I want a long lasting relationship not for fun FYI, it's just wasting my time if I'm busy paying attention with this love thing. Sometimes, being in love or having a boyfriend it's very traumatized me.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

So many people in this world said that we all need a friend for a lifetime. Friend is someone stranger and suddenly became part of our life. Sadly, for me friend is just a person that knows about me but don't understand me at all. I have 4 BFFs and all of them went to same high school as me. There were some kind of tragedy that causes me hard to believe my own BFF. That tragedy really impact my bad thoughts about people. Frankly, personally I am someone who hard to believe on people especially a new friend. I've been too much hurts and sorrow on believing people. I rather choose to be with my family than my own BFF. I'm really sorry because maybe some of my friend will see this but that's what I thought about you all. I know I'm not a good friend though. I've been given a fake hope for so many times and sometimes I think I don't need a friend.But above all, Thank God for being there for me. God knows every single inch about me. The best decision I ever made was receiving Jesus Christ as my savior. So sorry friends, I will never ever trust you all again. It's just a disappointment.

3 days magical fairy tale of mine

So, i had a dream before this right? It's about something will reveal after 3 days. I don't know how to start actually :) but i'm so excited to tell my short fairy tale stories. 3 days after that dream, on 12 o'clock on midnight someone new did came to my life. The first sign that he gave me was he add me as his Facebook friend. After posting to his wall by saying thanks for the add, suddenly he send me a private message. I was a bit shocked at the moment. On his private message, he said that he was my senior on my primary school at SRJK (c) Pei Ying. He said, while i was 8 years old he was already 12 years old. I felt kinda weird because before this i never been through this situation. Usually, my senior will never wanted to became my friend but he was a bit different. His name is Peter Ng and he is 24 years old on this year. He's Chinese and have a mix of philipino because his mother was a philipino. He's christian (roman catholic). His father already passed away last year on October. He had 7 siblings and he was the last one. Another interesting things that really caught my heart that he's single. He told me that his girlfriend left him for another guy. How cruel that girl! I'm not sure when his girlfriend left him maybe around October i guess. The moment when his father fighting with coma and at the same time his girlfriend had been caught cheated by his own aunt. Such a shame. After being single, his life became hard because at the same time his father already passed away. From facebook to wechat we did spent time to chat and knowing each other. He was a great friend actually. He like to use voice message instead of text message because he felt lazy to type a long message. After 3 days we had known each other, he asked me to meet him personaly. He want to meet me before he went to Lahad Datu for a youth camp. He told me not to wear make up and wear casual when we met. At the time we met, my heart was pounding and of course i was too shy to start a conversation. He seems happy to meet me i guess because he did smile all the time. After we went for a drink and did chit chat for a while, he asked me to accompany him to supermarket to buy some grocery for him to bring to Lahad Datu. I did picked some of the stuff and everyone on that store was staring at us. He did met a few of his friends on that store. Argh!! i felt so shy at the moment. I don't know what was their thinking. After done brought his stuff, he did send me home. Such a gentlemen! I arrived home was on 11.30 pm and it's almost time for my job interview at clinic Dr Raja. Another blessed from God i finally passed that interview. I was sooooo happy that time. I met him then i passed that interview. Such a blessed day for me. It was happend when he came to my life. I felt everything had became so much easier. From 3rd of February till now we had been chat for 2 weeks and guess what i like him :( but he treated me as a friend only. He said i need to keep fit. He want a skinny girl not a fat girl like me. There was one freak night, he went drinks with his friend. He did called me ' Sayang ' on purpose. When i viewed his profile, he was taking picture with a girl. Then i posted to my Facebook account by saying hoping for something unreal with feeling stupid. Right after he saw my status, he asked me what's wrong with me, but i lied to him by saying i'm okay that's just a joke. Suddenly, he said the girl who took picture with me was my best friend's girlfriend. I don't know how can he smells my jealousy! Haha. Then i just replied it ' haha, owh really? then it's okay though. " Since now, I've been thinking about him a lot. I always pray for him every night. I just need to patiently wait HIS answer because if it is meant to be then it will be :)

I am miss moving on :)

I don't know for how long I've been single already. Frankly, i was too lazy to count how many month, days or maybe weeks for my new status (single). Physically, my friends said that i was too strong to face it. But, mentally i still missed him though. It's not easy to forget a person that can give so much memories. Especially when we were already reached until the 4th years of our anniversary. The day that I decided to leave him which was i don't remember the date was, i was completely full of hesitation. I don't know what was like to be without him because first thing that i always do on morning was sending him a good morning text and last thing i do was always saying good night to him. Imagine if this routine of mine suddenly stop right away. On day 1, actually i almost send him a good night text. Haha! i almost busted. After 1 month later, he did text me and begged me to come back to him. You know what, i almost said yes but luckily i always thought about the bad side of him that makes me annoyed. Then,until now i still single and yes i did think about him but not much like i used to. Maybe, this moving on thing isn't a big deal for me because i already experience things much harder that moving on. For example, I'd lost my dad on 1999. I can live without a father in my family for almost 15 years. So, breaking up with my ex is easy for me.