Am I that selfish...

Something really brought me to write about you tonight. I don't know why but I'm definitely having this major mood to write about something lovely. So, deep down inside is really a mess. No, I'm just kidding. My actual inside is full of you. I'm not sure how to describe but I'm totally in love with you dude. Whenever I saw you, my heart stops. I feel like I'm underwater. Hardly breathe. It's not like you bring any danger to me but I'm just too nervous when you are around but excited at the same time. I can't believe that I would spend my time on midnight and write about how I really into you but you just not realize or noticed it. I probably having my teen moment where I crazy over boy who doesn't even know whether I'm existed or not. HAHA. It's funny though course I thought my teen days were already gone but turned out to be that I'm still having it with the same guy. Yeah. I'm lucky because he's not a boy but a guy. A really smart guy. In this I don't know how to describe this world with one word, I only want to be with you. Whenever there's a guy coming towards me and distracting me, I keep coming back to you. Seriously freak, I tremendously wanted to move on and live my life happily but I just can't. YOU keep popped out on my head, I mean my mind. Somehow, when I realized and It was hurting me at the same time by knowing that I can't have you as mine. Every second's like torture and I always finding way to let it go. Frankly, I would like you to be mine forever. Am I that selfish? I just don't know how to face or fix this problem or whatever it was. I'm too tired to have this kind of one sided love. I'm also wanted to be love by somebody who really appreciate me, accept me the way I am and for sure he'll respect my imperfection. You know what? even though I wanted it but I'm half way to believe it whether I'm going to have a partner for life in the future. I feel like there's no one who God's created it for me. NADA! I can't think of anyone else but you. Sometimes I'd cried. I'm willingly asked God to erase you from my mind but it didn't work. I'd question it to God several times but I can't seems get any answers yet. It is really really really really really hurt not be able to have you or watching you up close. I'm so envy with the people who be able to be with you everyday. Back in the old days, you and me seems like there's something between us or maybe it's just a dream. I feel it so good until I can't differentiate the reality and dream. That dream was too good until it blinded my eye and fooled my mind to accept the truth or the reality one. I'm just hoping that I can erase my love for you slowly and secretly.