Overreacting, not me but the dumb.

Okay, so today was quite good for me. I woke up early and late. Hmm. Sounds confusing right? Actually, my family and I were decided to go to market on 4 am but turned out to be my mom she's forget to withdraw her money last night. The ATM usually offline starting from 12 pm till 8 am. So, we had to cancel our plan. Then, everyone of us continued to go to bed and sleep. Lately, I always wake up so late because I'm so active during night till dawn. That basically happen during the day. There's an interesting yet scary incident during the evening. My mom and I were cleaning the house. Thank God, I was at the kitchen while my mom was at the living room. The moment she's wiping her crystal vase, she saw a white car that seems wanted to park in front of our house. The person take a sudden action by driving slowly in front of our house and keep looking it. My mom basically didn't noticed much about the incident. She's so calm and called my name. She's asking me whether there's a friend of mine that having a white car. Then, I was shocked. I don't to mention his name here but my mom already knew that it was him. I'm kind of terrified by his action. He acted like a stalker. I started to think that he's a psycho path. I did fought with him for weeks ago I guess and I didn't know that he would do like that. On the evening, there's a white car but different brand do the same thing as he was. Maybe, it was his friend. He just so dumb. He seems like ignoring my thoughts about him. I frankly said that I hate the way he treated me. I even asked him who am I to him. He's constantly say sorry to me. Honestly, I've never expect this kind of thing will happen. Hopefully, I will never ever see or talk to him anymore. I'm done hating people. So, it's better this way. He's such a loser who always take advantage over a girl that have a feelings for him. I don't want to be that kind of girl who's so dumb to trust him. I'm so over it. So long sucker! Stop stalking me! We are basically nothing. No relationship at all. Not even a friend.

Family, friends and you

Lay me down by Sam Smith

Yes, I do, I believe

 That one day I will be

 Where I was right there 

Right next to you 

 And it's hard

 The days just seem so dark 

The moon and the stars

 Are nothing without you

 Your touch, your skin 

Where do I begin? 

No words can explain

 The way I'm missing you

 Deny this emptiness 

This hole that I'm inside

 These tears

 They tell their own story 

 Told me not to cry when you were gone 

But the feeling's overwhelming, it's much too strong

 Can I lay by your side?

 Next to you, you 

And make sure you're alright

 I'll take care of you 

I don't want to be here if I can't be with you tonight 

I'm reaching out to you 

Can you hear my call?

 This hurt that I've been through

 I'm missing you, missing you like crazy 

 You told me not to cry when you were gone

 But the feeling's overwhelming, it's much too strong 

 Can I lay by your side? 

Next to you, you 

And make sure you're alright 

I'll take care of you

 I don't want to be here if I can't be with you tonight

 Lay me down tonight

 Lay me by your side

 Lay me down tonight

 Lay me by your side

 Can I lay by your side?

 Next to you

 You

Current feelings

Am I that selfish...

Something really brought me to write about you tonight. I don't know why but I'm definitely having this major mood to write about something lovely. So, deep down inside is really a mess. No, I'm just kidding. My actual inside is full of you. I'm not sure how to describe but I'm totally in love with you dude. Whenever I saw you, my heart stops. I feel like I'm underwater. Hardly breathe. It's not like you bring any danger to me but I'm just too nervous when you are around but excited at the same time. I can't believe that I would spend my time on midnight and write about how I really into you but you just not realize or noticed it. I probably having my teen moment where I crazy over boy who doesn't even know whether I'm existed or not. HAHA. It's funny though course I thought my teen days were already gone but turned out to be that I'm still having it with the same guy. Yeah. I'm lucky because he's not a boy but a guy. A really smart guy. In this I don't know how to describe this world with one word, I only want to be with you. Whenever there's a guy coming towards me and distracting me, I keep coming back to you. Seriously freak, I tremendously wanted to move on and live my life happily but I just can't. YOU keep popped out on my head, I mean my mind. Somehow, when I realized and It was hurting me at the same time by knowing that I can't have you as mine. Every second's like torture and I always finding way to let it go. Frankly, I would like you to be mine forever. Am I that selfish? I just don't know how to face or fix this problem or whatever it was. I'm too tired to have this kind of one sided love. I'm also wanted to be love by somebody who really appreciate me, accept me the way I am and for sure he'll respect my imperfection. You know what? even though I wanted it but I'm half way to believe it whether I'm going to have a partner for life in the future. I feel like there's no one who God's created it for me. NADA! I can't think of anyone else but you. Sometimes I'd cried. I'm willingly asked God to erase you from my mind but it didn't work. I'd question it to God several times but I can't seems get any answers yet. It is really really really really really hurt not be able to have you or watching you up close. I'm so envy with the people who be able to be with you everyday. Back in the old days, you and me seems like there's something between us or maybe it's just a dream. I feel it so good until I can't differentiate the reality and dream. That dream was too good until it blinded my eye and fooled my mind to accept the truth or the reality one. I'm just hoping that I can erase my love for you slowly and secretly.

Just So You Know

The tittle quite familiar right? I mean only for those who heard of Jesse McCartney's song. The purpose that I'm gonna tell you all about this night or midnight is I really can't keep this struggle anymore. Slowly, the struggle seems make myself especially my heart is aching all over. I just so stupid until I can't differentiate the reality and fantasy. I think that he's probably noticed me only in my dream but in reality, he seem don't care and never talk to me at all. All I can sum up is he didn't interested in me at all. I mean, look at me. I got nothing to brag about. I'm just too ordinary until he can noticed me. I'm not very pleased about it. It's been years, he keep changing his girlfriend. I thought the girl who had a similar face with him, they'll end up marrying and live happily ever after but turned out to be the broke up after 4 years of relationship. I know how is it feel and it takes time to move too. For me, I'm 90% move on. The rest still running around somewhere in my mind. This October make it becoming 2 years. I'm pretty sure that I'm a loyal lover. In my past relationship, I put all the blame on that guy. He was the one who abandoned me and I never see our future together so end up leaving him before it gone worst. Back to my topic, JUST SO YOU KNOW my dearest crush I'd already spent years to forget about you. Unfortunately, I really can't. The feeling kind of taking over me. I'm having a had time whenever I heard that there's girl that you've been with. I was so jealous. I pray to God and asked HIM, why YOU didn't give me a chance to be with him? I love him this much and it's been so long I've this feeling. I'm hurt and it's too hard to forget about you cause you are part of my life. Thinking about you everyday is my routine almost like my needs. I didn't mean to make a statement that I'm a freak that crazy about him but that is the truth. How I wish you can approach me just like the other girl that you've been mingled around. How about me? You really can't see me> Am I that invincible? Am I that ugly? Am I really out of your league? I'm the one who loved you wholehearted. Is that wrong? See? this is all such a bullshit. crying over someone that will never love you back is so painful to watch. No matter how, I will still love you crush.