Last day of 2016

Still can't believe that 2016 is about to leave us. Time surely flies so fast. Honestly, during 2016 was the rock bottom year for me. Everything just doesn't seem went right. There's so many ups & downs. My faith been tested. My life feels like threatened. I almost gave up at the darkest time but thankfully God is there with me along the process. HE provide all thing. I'm not being religious or what but HE did exist and only us need to find HIM. This 2016 has thought me that not all thing will go smoothly just because we wanted it that way but there'll be so many bumpy road which can make us tired during the journey. But, make sure bring God along on that journey. Believe me, HE'll make the road so meaningful and you'll surely learn something by it. It's not like I want to brag about it but I'm just glad that I've made it. I mean my first ever performance yesterday which was 30 December. Well, my mother is very excited and too happy about it. She's the one who always wanted me to be like her. Speaking of my mother, I really misses my family. Even though, I stayed at home for a long period of time but still home is a place will make us comfortable and being accepted. Society nowadays is too demanding. How can someone be physically attractive, skinny, rich and famous at the same? Also love to eat a lot of junk food and skinny af. So weird. Anyway, my age is adding 1 more year. it will be 23 years old. Frankly, I'm definitely not so ready for it. I feel like I'm getting old, still studying, not working yet, no savings and zero love life. Sometimes, I asked myself whether I'm gonna be a successful person in the future or for the next 5 or 10 years. Or can I help my mother to pay bills? or own a house, car and so on? Being an adult by force is not a fun thing to do. when I was at my childhood years, I wanted to grow up so badly but now how I wish I can be small again and enjoying every single moment with my family especially my late dad, my late grandparents and my childhood friends. In reality, we just can run away from all of our problem. As an young adult, I need to confront all my fear and go for it even if it will cost you mentally of physically because every adult has been through it and yet they still survive. Inside me, I feel like I'm still a 5 year old girl who afraid of a lot of things, picky on my food, misses my family so much and still can't make my own decision. I really doesn't expect much for 2017 but I'm just hoping that I will be a good student, can maintain my faith, fellowships, friendship, family bonding, and more. I can only hope for the best. To expect something great happen, I just continue pray to God. HE's the best planner. For me, it is a must to pray during new year night. Because in that way, God will be the first to know my desire for whole 2017. Above all, so long 2016. Hello 2017, hello new year and new journey. God will be upon us this new year. Amen.

Last Christmas I Gave You My Heart.

December, month of holiday, Christmas, rainy days and examinations month too. It's hard to celebrate Christmas each year since I went to University. As if 25 December is the only day of Christmas in this world. Some people might not understand what Christmas is all about. I was that person back then. I always thought that Christmas is a seasonal holiday. It is fixed every year. All of my family will come and celebrate it together. Sadly, the main reason of Christmas is already forgotten and get blurred by those decorations, Santa Claus and snow. I was so thankful for my Sunday's school teacher and all the carolers who always told me the importance of Christmas day.  Jesus is the main reason why we should celebrating Christmas. To remember about HIS birthday. Not hoping for Santa Claus or a gift from someone else but the day of our Savior has been born because salvation is upon HIM. Of course this year I'll be celebrating here at KL. With my fellow family in Christ whom I known for almost 3 years. I'm so thankful that I can be part on that church, to serve HIM is more that enough for me. Every Christmas, I will surely misses my dear family so much. My mother's dishes and the family. But, I secretly misses someone during Christmas. No one knows, not even my sister nor my mother. I can't remember around which year I met him for the first time. I just remember that I was so young and so was him. Awkwardly smile, and I shake his hand and said nice to meet you. His mother introduced us two. I wasn't so interested in him back then. I don't know why but surely he's cute and petite on that time. He was not always around because his school was away far from his home&only met during Chinese New Year, Harvest festival and Christmas. I don't know when I started to like him because I was so busy with schools, friends, family and also other distracted things. I even got first boyfriend on 2009. Frankly, I barely knew him. I mean him not the ex. Above all, I just feel like he's the last person that I really like or I can share my heart with. Being in 20 something, relationship will be more serious. My past relationship is just a puppy love because I was young and dumb back then. So whatever! I swear, I never felt this way before. His warm hand touches my heart. I just can die now! His smile, his eyes, his voice, the way he speaks. Argh! All thing seems so interesting! & I can't help falling in love with him. But, inside my tiny heart, I know that he will never be mine. He's too perfect. He barely know me. He can't even maybe remember my face or name. But, it's okay, I'll will continue secretly missing him during Christmas. 

Hardships make us stronger!

These days makes me wonder why I always facing the same problem in the same situation. Sometimes, when I pray and ask God about it somehow there's no answer. But, I never wanted to give up on everything. Though, I told my mom it's okay for me to drop out the university but I'm surely God will provide something for our family.  The major problem is always been money. For some point, I hate myself because I always had to think about money rather than my studies. Slowly, I realized that no matter how hard is our life there's always a person that having much worst day or problem than me. Day by day, I always remind myself that thanking God for everything that has happened. Worship HIM during whatever it is situation that I'm facing. I know it is easy to say but hard to do it. Yet, I'll take it as my challenge as a person that wanted to grow continuously in faith

2016

So, basically I always spend my New Year moment at KL. Without doing something interesting and obviously I'm at my room also trying to study for my exam. I was wondering why I always having exam during that time. Anyway, it's already 2016 and I still got no goals to achieve for this year. I literally didn't think any of it. Maybe it's because I'm turning 22 this year. Argh! Getting older year by year. My perception towards thing also keep changing. Living far away from home is not that great but I can experience thing by myself or should I called it being independent. As years passed by, I never forget those people who used to be part of my life. Especially, my dad. He will always be my number one man in my life. I was wondering if he's watching me all the time. I bet, he's kinda disappointed cause I'm not a good student. Well, I'm going to start over for this upcoming semester. I mean, I'll be better and be a hardworking student. Gosh! Can u believe it? I will be 3rd year student in this coming September. How fast is that? I feel like I just reached KL and start studying Spanish. Speaking of being 3rd year student, I actually not that ready to do a thesis. I know it's hard especially for my major, foreign language. Finally, I can discover my goals for this year. I need to be a good student, getting better grades, read bible everyday and give more affection to myself.