It's hard to love someone secretly

For almost 9 years, I always think about him. I feel guilty to my ex boyfriend because I love him but I keep thinking for someone else. For me, he's not just someone, he's a part of my life. He have a special place in my heart. I know this is so wrong. It's just I couldn't take it anymore, so now I let it all out. I wish I can tell him how I felt about him or maybe it is not important at all. All i can is just bury all the feelings and move on. I wish I could.

9 years and forever

I can't forget about him. Almost 9 years and on that long duration I still can't get rid of my feelings towards him. When I was busy fall in love with somebody, he always be in my heart. It seems like he's permanent in my heart,soul and mind. But, lately I felt so sad because his girlfriend left him and he was suffering now. On that time I always pray for him that God will make him happy again. Sometimes I was wondering am I that ugly or not really suitable for him? Or maybe God not allowed me to have him but it's really painful to be on that way. No matter how far I go or he go, I will always remember him. The thing is he just too much love her ex girlfriend. Well, there's no chance for me. I'm not suitable for him because he just too perfect for me. I always waiting for a chance to come of stop by but seems like it was out of God's plan maybe so I know it will never happen. Hmm.